Unhappy Reflections

Well, here I am, finally updating my blog for anyone who reads it (not that I think anyone does). But if there ARE people reading it, then I should apologise, because this won't be a happy post.

First of all, the most important news: I turned 19 yesterday. Happy Birthday to me. I don't know if it was a happier or sadder day, because everyone that I expected to remember my birthday forgot, and everyone that I didn't expect to remember my birthday remembered. I'll spare my readers the details. It is suffice to say that I went to bed feeling surprised, grateful, guilty, hurt and insignificant. Oh well, another day, another drama.

It is custom that bloggers reminisce about the previous year's exploits at midnight on New Year's day, but since I missed my mandatory New Year's post, I shall give the general overview of life as 18-year-old me now.

So many things have happened in the past year that I don't know where to start. At the part where I lost some friends? Found out others weren't my friends at all? Got closer to yet others? Or at the part where I fell way, way too much in like with the wrong person? Or at the part where I am planning, wishing and hoping to go away to Australia and never come back, but yet am scared that I will fail or lose my way and end up at the very place I am running away from?

All these are not pleasant reflections, but mine may not have been a pleasant year, had I not been trying so hard to keep from falling into my usual habits of being depressed. My life is only as difficult as many others', and certainly less difficult than many more, but still I am far too likely to tilt towards the glass-is-half-empty mentality. I don't know what I should do about it. Sometimes it is so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, even if the tunnel is only the smallest one, and I know I shall emerge eventually.

But at the end of the day, all this is inconsequential. Evolution dictates that I must have survival instincts, and therefore I must survive in a way that makes me happy. Perhaps from now on I will learn to care less for others and more for myself; perhaps from now on I will learn to worry less. There is something to be said about the carefree way of living. A hill, a lake and a house in the middle of a prairie. Something I must try.

Anyway, to devote my blog to the unhappiness of my life would be a waste of space and of bytes. And so, I have decided, at the suggestion of a friend, to use my blog primarily to write stories. If I ever get past feeling that they suck. I take leave here.

Yours truly,

Sophia